I am in a constant wave of terror,
Terrified that everything I once thought made sense doesn’t anymore,
In fact I don’t even know what is real anymore,
I’m terrified that I might actually not even be good enough,
Good enough in my career,
Good enough to take this pen and write to you about being good enough,
I’m in constant battle between myself and my self esteem,
Where did it run to?

Here I am in constant worry that I’ll never measure up,
I’ll never reach the epitome of my career, be the prettiest in the room, be the most successful person in my peer group,
Infact I’m in constant worry that I will never keep up with this standards bestowed upon me,
This is the problem right here; KEEPING UP,

Keeping up with the jonesess,
Keeping up with the Kardashians,
Keeping up with the latest trends,
I’m tired: I’m tired of keeping up with keeping up,

I’m tired with this standards that I judge myself with,
I am tired that this fear of missing out is constantly giving me sleepless nights,
I am tired that my self esteem is eroded because I can’t afford the latest gadgets,
I’m tired that I’m fearful, fearful of being fearful,

I’m in constant fear that I’ll never measure up to the standards,
See I’m always in constant form of anxiety, I am anxious that in the end I’ll fail so why try,
I’m always anxious of what ifs,
What If I don’t pass that exam, what if they don’t accept me in there cool gang, what if, what if?

I’m afraid of keeping up with keeping up.
I’m afraid of things not seen, I’m afraid, yes I am afraid, I am afraid of the constant battles I have with myself, I’m afraid of the thoughts I have late at night, I’m afraid that this fear will one day engulf me,
I hope one day I’ll write of fear in past tense. As of now it’s a constant worry,
Yes, I’m afraid of keeping up with keeping up.

Aust_ink

Jack of most trades. Passionate about football and the Gospel. Writer.