I remember it like it was yesterday. Because it was yesterday.

When I got off the sofa’s sitting area,

 And climbed up the back rest to fly into my mother’s arms.

When I went jogging around the neighbourhood with a loving father who runs.

When my sister and I would go at it for hours to see who had the best puns.

Was it yesterday? No, I lie, this is a flashback from a few decades ago,

When all that seemed to happen was joy, laughter and a million and one hugs.

I lie because it would be easier to remember something so far gone, 

Than it would the truth.

I lie because I’d rather go that far back, for in it that time, there’s nothing uncouth,

I lie because that way I can make this a happy song and not feel anger go through the roof,

Why lie when the One I serve has been there all along and won’t leave, just like Ruth? 

So I’ll face the truth. 

My best was never good enough, feelings of favouritism, the shaming and all. 

The memories of violence, fantasies of learning self-defense, cleaning stains off the wall.

Sundays were for beatings. 

How was I supposed to come back home clean, when children play, they fall!

So I lived my wildest adventures through cartoons, 

The kind that said “all for one and one for all”.

Cartoons turned into movies, because cartoons were no longer rough enough,

Movies that had at least 100 dead people, because my heart could no longer love.

Love, I thought, was just a lie, and I also had no more room for that,

Though in real life, I was a player, and lies were how I managed to keep that up.

Real life looked more and more like the stuff I watched every day on the screens,

The only relationships that entertained me were those where there were often screams.

Did I mention that when I was ten I stumbled upon my big brother’s magazines?

It wasn’t long before I filled my life with characters like some of those pics and scenes.

Mbili mbili kama kawaida, was my dad’s favourite television ad,

Friday saa mbili kama kawaida, he’d be leaving for his meetings with the lads,

Akirudi kama kawaida, it was time for the end of the world,

Why did what started as a simple conversation, have to end up this bad?

So I vowed I’d never be like him, spoiling girls with scented flowers,

Love letters and sweet nothings just to prove, I was in control of my power,

But they begun to ‘left’ when they all realized, I had a different one every hour,

What was supposed to be me epitomizing sweetness, quickly left me incredibly sour.

I remember winning games and matches, no one at home gave a damn,

Until I started to use drugs as crutches, then everyone took notice of this young man,

No longer cared to lose on match day, as long as I was out with my gang,

No longer cared much for churches, Dad was an elder, more lies, fam!

I promise you there are some good memories, it wasn’t all gloom and doom,

There were days I’d be number one, getting chocolates, and sweets too,

Seemed like those didn’t last long though, always expected the worst, and soon,

Because the drama was more regular, nothing was more consistent or true.

But when I lost it, everyone took notice, the hard questions were asked,

I wish I knew the truthful answers, because I started to talk back,

Everyone was concerned, and they all wanted to have my back,

But by then I was too far gone, and all efforts looked rather slack.

Who was going to rescue this lost boy, who would make him dream again?

He was such a happy kid, who would remind him how to make us laugh again?

He wrote the sweetest love letters to the girls he really admired, could he even love again?

What I wouldn’t give to go back and make amends, what I wouldn’t do to be young again!